The more I think about it, the more I realize that I lead a lonely existance. I am lonely with millions of people buzzing by me every hour! It is ironic really. I have to talk to people, beucase that is the nature of the education system in which i am surrounded, but outside of casual encounters, i don't have the one or two people that i know i can rely on.
I would like to be optimistic and say that I will one day find that person, but i feel like everyone already has that and I am left with nothing. Don't get me wrong, there are numbers in my cell phone adress book, but none of them that I could count on loving me no matter what. It is more along the lines of:
"Oh would you like to go to dinner?"
"Sure I don't have anything else going on"
as time grows closer and it is just a few hour before the time of meeting...
"Oh I'm sorry I double booked, can we reschedule?"
TRANSLATION: I'm sorry, something better came along.
It is lonely. i think it is the area, There are so many people, so many oportunities, that my opinon of fun is over thrown by someone else's. It is tragic.
Every weekend, almost, we go to our favorite club.
Let me set the scene:
US - hot, being grabbed by people dancing with them.
Go out to cool off, talk to them for a while....their other friends come along....they dissapear.
This is my life, a series of dissapearing acts. I should prolly go through my phone book and delete people, they probably have moved.
I mean I am a fantastic person to hang out with, ask my old friends back home. i am not understanding why the people hear are so flaky. Even the people that I have have hung out with several times, they still flake. It almost seems that people are intimidated or annoyed by me. The people that I am closetest to treat me like I am their younger brother that they are forced to hang out with.
I just want someone, ANYONE, that will be there for better or for worse. Not just until something better comes along.